I Get Acquainted with the Bible

Voices I did not want kept passing through my mind. I kept telling myself, “Maybe I am going crazy.” But I was praying to God. Because these blasphemies in my mind were things that came against my will. And my prayer to God was: “O God, accept these prayers they taught us but of which I do not even know the meaning, and save me from these troubles.”

There were Arabic surahs we had memorized in primary and middle school. When I recited them, I used to think I was doing something very valuable. These were surahs like the Arabic Fatiha, Kevser, Elham. And there was the habit left over from childhood of saying “Bismillahirrahmanirrahim” more times than I could count. Even that—I did not know what it meant. I believed it must surely be something very good, but I did not know its meaning. I learned its Turkish only much later. It means “In the name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate.” But I saw that hardly anyone else knew this either. Rather, no one I knew knew it. So it turned out that in this matter they were no different from me. And what is more, they had been saying this word all the way up to the ages of 60 or 70 in their lives without knowing its meaning. They too believed they were saying great words, and probably imagined that with these words they were becoming divine. The word was certainly great and meaningful, but not for the one saying it nor for the one listening. Because neither did the one know the sense of what he was saying, nor the other the meaning of what he was hearing. In this situation there is no difference between them and a parrot. A person may be saying beautiful things, but with these things whose meaning he does not know he builds up neither himself nor the listener. These words become meaningless for them. Or rather, it is as though they were a good-luck charm, or an evil-eye bead, or like those little Qurans they hang in cars as mascots. All of these are done for such purposes as being protected, having good luck brought to them, being successful, having their wishes granted. By expecting from such things the help that should be expected from God Himself, people are in fact putting those things in the place of God. That is, they are setting up partners with God. In short, they are making idols of those things. Yet the Quran, with countless verses, emphasizes that setting up partners with God is very bad and wrong. It even says “do not marry” such people. I once opened a page of the Quran by chance, and there it was written:

Do not marry women who set up partners with God, (or men) unless they believe. A believing woman (or man) is better than a woman who sets up partners with God, even if this woman (or man) pleases you. (Osman Nebioğlu Translation, Bakara 221. The words in parentheses were written to help in understanding the Quran; they are not written in the Quran.)

As I indicated in the parentheses, of course this is a rule valid for both sexes. Because I think it would not be wrong to say that this setting up of partners, or equating God with something else, is written almost everywhere in the Quran.

As for preaching in languages that are not understood, and praying to God by this means, the apostle Paul speaks of it in the Bible in his 1st letter to the Corinthians, and by the spirit he received from God he says: 1 Cor. 14:4-33

...he that speaketh in a (foreign) tongue edifieth himself; (he himself knows the meaning, but if the people, the congregation, do not know) but he that prophesieth edifieth the church. (Church: in the sense of congregation, the company of believers) Now I would that ye all spake with tongues, but rather that ye (should) prophesy (proclaim the word of God to the people in the congregation in a known language): for greater is he that prophesieth than he that speaketh with tongues, except he interpret, that the church may receive edifying (be built up and strengthened spiritually). Now, brethren, if I come unto you speaking with (unknown) tongues, what shall I profit you, except I shall speak to you either by revelation, or by knowledge, or by prophesying, or by doctrine? And even things without life giving sound, whether pipe or harp (a musical instrument), except they give a distinction in the sounds, how shall it be known what is piped or harped? For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle? So likewise ye, except ye utter by the tongue words easy to be understood, how shall it be known what is spoken?... Verse 16 -Else when thou shalt bless with the spirit (in a foreign tongue), how shall he that occupieth the room of the unlearned say Amen at thy giving of thanks, seeing he understandeth not what thou sayest? For thou verily givest thanks well, but the other is not edified…Verse 22 -Wherefore tongues are for a sign, not to them that believe, but to them that believe not: but prophesying serveth not for them that believe not, but for them which believe. If therefore (now) the whole church (congregation) be come together into one place, and all speak with tongues, and there come in those that are unlearned, or unbelievers, will they not say that ye are mad? But if all prophesy, and there come in one that believeth not, or one unlearned, he is convinced (convicted) of all, he is judged (examined) of all: and thus are the secrets of his heart made manifest; and so falling down on his face he will worship God, and report (declare openly) that God is in you of a truth…verse 33 -for God is not the author of confusion, but of peace (salvation).**

The same thought is also supported in the Quran, and it is said to the Arab society thus:

We sent it down as an Arabic Quran, that you might understand and reflect. Yusuf Surah:2

As can be understood from these verses too, importance is given to that language being clearly understood by this society. Of course, for the Arabs it will be an Arabic Quran! Again, in verse 44 of the Fussilet Surah (the 41st surah):

If We had made it a Quran in a foreign tongue, they would have said: “Why have its verses not been made clear? What kind of thing is this? An Arabic-speaking people being addressed in a foreign tongue.”

If these words had come in a language that is not understood, it would not have been emphasized in the Quran that the Arabs would be justified in their accusation, “What kind of thing is this? An Arabic-speaking people being addressed in a foreign tongue.” But God, sending it to people not so that His word would go ununderstood, but on the contrary so that it would be understood, again says in verse 3 of the Zuhraf Surah (43):

We made it an Arabic Quran, that you might understand it. (All the verses are the Osman Nebioğlu Translation.)

Yes, so that it might be understood. But with us, effort was made so that it would not be understood, and effort is still being made. Christianity lived through the same problems for thousands of years. In history they used to burn alive those who read the Bible, those who dared to translate it. In this matter the Muslims simply come a bit later in terms of time, that is all. To oppose the reading and understanding of these books, more or less the same systems and methods have always been applied. Just think: if it is said, “You must read the Bible and the Quran only in their original languages”—and this logic exists both in Christianity and in Islam—then we would have to learn Hebrew and Aramaic and Greek and Arabic. For my own part, I see this as almost impossible. I have been living in Germany for about 35 years, but I still cannot say, “I have mastered even perhaps half of German as I have my own mother tongue.” Just think: if, in order to read and understand God’s words, I had to know four languages better than my mother tongue! And with my own mother tongue, that makes five. So that we would never understand the words God spoke to us, such prohibitions have been instilled into societies through the policy of remaining ignorant and keeping others ignorant, a policy carried on since the feudalism of the early and middle ages. In fact, the aim lying beneath it is exactly as Jesus Christ said:

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees (a religious sect of that time), hypocrites! For you shut the door of the Kingdom of the Heavens in people’s faces; you yourselves do not go in, nor do you let those who want to enter go in! Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! You travel over seas and continents to turn a single person to your religion. And when he becomes a convert, you make him twice as much a subject of Gehenna as yourselves. Matthew 23:13-15 (New Translation Bible)

Whether Christianity or Islam or the other religions on the face of the earth, did they not produce works matching these words? Have their attitudes and behaviors for thousands of years not shown these things?

As a child I would take a prayer bead in my hand and inwardly say “Bismillah, Bismillah” hundreds, thousands of times. It is very laborious work. Back then I was only 8 or 9 years old. I would open my hands toward the sky and pray secretly, as if hidden inside my quilt. I would look at my little hands and think to myself, “Will these hands, when they grow up, pray like this too?” The reason I asked this question was the people I saw around me. The more I looked at their lives, at the things they did, the less I believed they could pray by opening their whole hearts to God in sincerity. I do not mean people who pray for show, or who pray because it is a custom, or who pray because it has become a habit, or perhaps those who open their hands in prayer out of fear of society. In my eyes they were as if doing a job. Just as I went to school every day, and others went to work, and the woman at home cooked, so too, it seemed to me, that person prayed. It was as if it had become a custom for them. Rote lying down and standing up, over and over. Without knowing or understanding what they said. Surely there are believers among them too. And this resembles my saying “Bismillah” countless times! What I mean is, in my thinking at that childhood age, praying was as though a children’s business. That is, it was a childish thing. When one grows up one becomes strong and powerful, and would not feel the need to pray. Is he still a child, that he should pray to God! And I was also afraid it would be seen as something to mock. Because even in the movies, when a bad man is cornered and about to be killed, words like “Say your prayers now” would be said. Praying was as though a mockery.

Anyway, from time to time I will come back to the experiences I gained in childhood. But in those troubles in my 22nd and 23rd years I was praying to God with all my heart. Even if I recited Arabic prayers whose meaning I did not know, like a parrot, beforehand I would open my heart to Him. Afterward too I would beg Him with those things whose meaning I did not know, to help me. First I would plead with words I myself understood, and then the Arabic ones. And I would ask forgiveness for those things I said without understanding, but I would also beg Him to understand me. It was as if I had set this rule myself. For I did not know what to do. I was married, but to whom could I tell these things? Aside from my fear that they would call me crazy, who would understand me and listen to me anyway! Only God. Yes, if God existed, He would understand. In fact I even began to pray prayers like this:

“O God, I cannot even find my way out in my imaginings; how am I to know what to ask for? So let whatever You find right be what happens to me,” I would say.

In the old days, in my prayers I would always specify exactly what I wanted God to give me. Now I understand that, for us, God was as if the genie that came out of Aladdin’s lamp. God could give us our wishes, but if this wish were wrong, if in the end it would bring not good but on the contrary would put me into a dead end, I ought to have thought about it very carefully. That is why, in our wishes to God, it was as if we were not praying but rather commanding. Specifying the wishes we wanted to obtain as a condition, “let it be exactly this way, or that way.” The genie in Aladdin’s lamp was also very powerful, but Aladdin had to state his wishes to it word for word without making a mistake. Like the instructions a commander gives to his soldier, as if with the anxiety the commander feels lest a mistake occur. Without realizing it, we resemble this very much in our relationship with God. That is, God has only power, but we are smarter than He! Does this meaning not emerge, do our hearts not speak this way? In our wishes and requests we always beg for things to be according to our desire. We are scared to death of saying to God, “Let Your will be done.” Because somewhere in our mind, in our subconscious, there is this thought: “The things that are God’s will are boring, joyless, they bring unhappiness.” Who wants God’s will anymore! In fact, in a way, we mean to say: “You give me what I want, and do not interfere with the rest.” Those who have children—or since all of us were children once—we know these situations well from the things we asked of our mothers and fathers, the things we insisted on. For example, with something we insisted on, sometimes they try to show us the harmful side effects of that thing we wanted. They try to explain with examples. Pleading, they say, “Please don’t do that!” No, we want neither to hear nor to listen at all. Using all our tantrums and their love as well, we finally obtain that thing we wanted. And in the end, even when we see that they were right and that we were wrong, we do not even want to show it at all. Because if we once grant that they were right, then we would have to do the same for our mother’s and father’s other wishes. And parents are not always right. Well, this war begins like this even in childhood. Will our relationship with God be any different from this? Who believes that God is full of love and concerns Himself with us in a way that will bring eternal benefit to humanity? I mean not only in word, but with the whole heart. Out of ignorance there are also those who rebel, saying: “If there is a God, why does He not intervene in all these events happening on the earth, these injustices, cruelties, wars, tortures, quarrels, deaths?” Actually it is a fitting question. I too will, as much as possible, give place to such subjects from time to time in my book.

I was in a spiritual crisis, but these prayers of mine did not go unanswered. One day, one Sunday, while I was home alone, in the morning the door was knocked. When I opened it, an old man and a woman were telling me something. I did not understand what they were saying, but I invited them inside. I thought that whatever they were going to say, let them say it sitting inside. Besides, keeping those people at the door was very shameful to me. This too must be a lesson in hospitality we received from my mother. I never saw any harm come of it. Bless my mother. It is good that she instilled such good things in us. The people I had thought might be insurance agents turned out to be Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Even though we grew up in Germany, we did not possess a German vocabulary regarding religious matters. We did not know what “prophet” is in German. If I say that we knew no German other than that God is “Gott” and the church is “Kirche,” I probably would not be lying. Even the German for “mosque” we learned only many years later. At schools, at workplaces, the belief in Muhammad was deliberately mocked. When one looked carefully at German society, I would notice that they were ahead of us in technical matters, in matters of wealth, but that in matters of humanity they were not at all so full of love. On the contrary, in the book they held in their hands and said they believed in, it was not even possible to come across a trace of the hospitality of Abraham, the forgiving love of Jesus Christ, the humility that is God’s command. There were people who were good, but very, very few. And they too had almost no relationship with religion or anything! Well then, what about us, that is, us Muslims? We were certainly different, but before God the two societies were neither different nor better than one another. What I mean is this: in outward appearance, yes, but in our inner nature we were no different from one another. Whether the Muslim or the Christian. Especially when one looks at these societies with God’s eye, which could be said to be better? Envy, hostility without cause, egoism, love of money, self-interest coming to the very forefront, lying without blinking—such things were similar characteristics of both societies. The difference was only in talent, knowledge, skill, economic advantages. Otherwise we were all fundamentally the same. Would it not be more correct to say all of humanity? The Ottoman state too was once very strong and powerful. Times changed, and it became a different state. In history there are a great many states and nations like this. In that era, whichever one was strong, the people of that nation would begin to imagine themselves excessively to be something. Whether they call themselves a special race, or a superior type of humanity without peer among the others, or whether they are like this because, being so very valuable, their gods, their God, is only with them. And the other people are worthless, filthy, guilty, brainless, evil creatures. Once such a mentality has begun in nations and societies, it generally means their end is coming too. These are not my views; they are historical knowledge and facts.

We must seek the difference not in communities, but personally in ourselves. If we ourselves are also doing these things we see, criticize, and call bad, then it means we will take on the same stains that those persons, societies, religions, nations, organizations, and organizations we condemn have taken on. If this is a matter of power, that is a separate subject. And this means: “I may do it, but you may not.” A world of humanity that says, “I make the law, I put up a red light—that is for you, not for me.” It means, “If you don’t stop I will burn you, but I never stop; that does not concern you.” If calling to account is a matter of power, then the powerful one calls to account, and the powerless one has no right to it. Unless another power grants him this right, that is separate. In fact, in most places there is almost no justice at all. These are not the problem of one nation or one religion individually. The Muslim and the Christian and the Jew and the Hindu and the Buddhist, the Turk, the Kurd, the German, the American, the Englishman, and however many religions and nations there are—all of them. That is, the problem is in the human being, in us ourselves, personally in our own selves.

Yes, when the Witnesses came, I listened to them. I also understood that they were speaking about religious matters. I thought they had come from a church or something. I had only heard in theory about separate sects and religions, but I had never personally met any of them. In any case, the side that interested me was not what stood behind the persons, but those people themselves whom I was speaking with face to face. With this mind and outlook I still strive to carry on my relationship with people. For me, what is important should be that person himself. Not the religion, language, race, money, poverty, ignorance, or label he possesses. It is easy to talk big like this, but in reality it is also a great truth that people are influenced by outward appearance, by the indoctrination of societies, and by a host of other reasons. Indeed, if this influence did not exist, I do not think it would be easy—as though sitting in an armchair moving figures back and forth—to drag those whole nations, those masses of people, to death in the name of fatherland and nation. It is as if humanity is on a chessboard, and we are the pawns. And all the effort is to save the king. Whatever the cost! Well, is the world not governed precisely according to the rule of this game? When I first learned this game, everything seemed to me as if it were real. I did not want to lose even a single one of my pieces. I was the king, and were they protecting me? How could I push them to death? Even though I was 21 at the time, this was a childlike feeling. The friend who taught me this game would give tactics like, “Just do it this way or that way.” And when I would say, “But then you will break that piece,” he would say, “Let it be broken, what of it? What matters is that you protect your king and win the game. You are not playing backgammon; the point is not collecting many pieces. Sometimes you can lose the game even if you have all your pieces. Watch out for the king.” And I would say, “Of course, yes, that’s right” and so on, but my feelings inside were something else; I kept thinking to myself, “Ah, another one is going to die; how am I to push him to death!” I could not explain this to that friend of mine. When I looked at real life, I saw that the world too is just like that chess game. Even if I played this game, for this very reason I would never like it. Why were those figures different? Were they not all human? Why are they not all pawns? Or why are they not all kings? In the old days if someone wrote such a thing, they would throw him in prison as a communist! I told you I am someone very witless by this world’s standards—well, here are your proofs. And there is more: if you endure this book to the end and read it, I may even turn out to be the person you will hate most.

Let us return again to our conversation with the Witnesses. As I listened to them, I kept thinking to myself, “I’ll ask these people a question or two, and after that they’ll just run off and go.” Our religion-class teacher in primary school came to mind. At the end of the lesson he had asked, “Do you have any questions?” Not a peep from anyone, a silence. And I—three years later I had returned again from Germany to Turkey. Having lost three years, instead of the last grade of middle school I started from the fifth grade of primary school. Wherever I had left off while in Turkey, when I came from Germany I started again from there. Because in the report card we got from Germany we had almost no grades at all! How could there be. You go as a laborer to a country whose language you do not know at all. And we are their children. Going to school is compulsory, but getting grades is not compulsory! Just go and do whatever, as if. That is, whether you sleep or lose yourself in daydreams! The teacher explains, but you must sit like that without understanding anything, without even a peep, for years, every day. When I remember it, I am amazed at how patient we were. This too is the German mind and conscience!

Turkey, supposedly taking pity on us, sent teachers! And there was also an afternoon school. Once a week a Turkish teacher was going to come. I was glad. “Oh, he’ll teach us German and we’ll talk and get along with the people here,” I would say. As it turned out, the teacher who came did not even know how to get on a bus. He could not make himself understood to buy a ticket. They knew hardly even a single word of German. As it turned out, these teachers were coming to help us all the way from Turkey, to save us so that our culture would not be lost!!! Once I got a beating in his class because I laughed too much. How the Germans were good, and where did this man come from—how upset I was. At least the Germans did not beat you directly like this. They took out their frustrations in another way. Alongside this, there were also one or two German teachers who were very decent, sensible, and did their duty not for your sake or mine but because they loved it, because it was right. You know there is a saying, “If you are to be hanged, be hanged with a Frankish cord”—well, like that. Perhaps there was no love in them either, but was it their self-respect that made them do these things, a sense of righteousness, or was it the proper conscience-training they had received that moved them? I do not know, but they were valuable people. If they did something good and taught us something, they did it by sacrificing their own time, not because they were obliged to. How laws later came about so that these foreign children were given an education, I do not know. I did not know then, and I do not know now. I only relate what I lived, what I saw, what I perceived. While not a single teacher would even condescend to us, if one among them—and moreover one who ought to have the most work and the least time, the school principal—did this, then even at the age of 10 a person understood that that person was making a sacrifice and was valuable. The only thing I know is that neither Germany nor Turkey gave those children any education or instruction. The Germans brought the foreign workers and their children, but they ardently thought of one single point: “Let our work be done the cheap way.” Seeing those foreigners’ children as a burden, a tiresome responsibility, a great trouble, society only fanned hatred against those children. When I look at what became of those children when they grew up, I am still amazed. I thought they would turn out very terrible; I still think so. Each of them did everything they could to keep those children from advancing beyond becoming at most a lathe operator, a construction worker, a garbage collector, a cleaner. Amazingly, they did not quite succeed. Actually, looking at the Black people in America, they should have understood that this would not be possible. And besides, a Hitler does not always come along and say, “Let us wipe out all these who are awakening, and bring new servants, new attendants to serve us”! The Germans later also spoke of the human rights being done to the Kurdish people in Turkey, and they fed terrorists and gave aid in money. And they too, with that money, bought bombs and weapons and set them off in Turkey. Knowing these things is no longer a secret. Even those who do these things say so openly themselves.

Anyway, let me say and come back again to the subject of the religion class, in the fifth grade. Yes, the teacher’s saying “Ask whatever you want” seemed to me as if it were sincere, and when I saw that everyone stayed silent, my aim was both to save the situation and to ask a question I truly wanted to know. And indeed I asked it. “Teacher, why do we memorize prayers in Arabic and not in Turkish?” I said. Without saying anything, he made a gesture with his hand as if to say “sit down,” and I sat down at once. They must have taken courage from me, because right away another one of those children, three years younger than me, raised his hand and asked a question similar to this. I was in the position of one of the top students in the class, so the teacher did not show his wrath directly to me. But against the child who asked that question, you know how they say “he narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth”—exactly like that. I understood that a share of the thrashing was falling to me too. How he shouts and rages at us. “As if there were such a thing as prayer in Turkish!” and a whole lot of words I can no longer remember. I sank into the ground from shame. Oh, why on earth did I ask such a question, I would almost crawl under the desk. It was good that the bell rang. But I understood one thing: in religion class there were no questions or anything. Like “nod your head, take your salary.” Take your grade, pass the class. In what year was the Battle of the Trench fought? When was the migration from Mecca to Medina? Recite Kevser, let’s see. When the first prophethood came, how old was the prophet? “I’ll burn anyone who doesn’t know at least five long Arabic surahs,” he would say. These, then, were our religion classes. There was no spiritual value at all. The sense and feeling given toward God was below zero. In their teachings there was everything except God. And when they did attempt to teach God, He was as though only a power watching over us in order to give punishment. As time went on and I gained knowledge, I understood that even that principal, who taught only the religion classes, did not know the answer to the question I had asked. What could the man do; however the order came from the Ministry of Education, that is how he taught.

So, after these experiences, I kept saying, “I’ll ask the Witnesses a question and get rid of them.” It was not that I was fleeing from gaining knowledge about God. But from childhood no one had introduced God to us. I have told you what our religion classes were like. Our knowledge could only be within the bounds of our imaginings, and so I too knew God however I imagined Him to be. And only I knew this. As a friend of mine who became a doctor said—while explaining a subject with a question and answer, “How many Gods can there be?”—he cut me off and said, “There are as many Gods as there are people; because the God in each one’s head is different.” My situation was probably like that too. The God I pictured in my head was surely different from everyone else’s. And everyone else’s was different from mine. Once, regarding praying, my stepfather said, “While God is dealing with the affairs of so many people, is He going to listen to your prayer too—would He have time for it?”, and I looked at his face to see whether he was mocking. But he was very serious and sincere. It was certain that he believed in God that way. This too was the God in his head. Although I attributed this to my father’s ignorance, later I would even learn that people living in places like Europe and America—and among them the Jehovah’s Witnesses, who are the most assertive in research—in their knowledge about God, believed that “God does not see everything, indeed does not even look.” And if you are among them, you must accept this belief by force. And whoever does not accept it, they cast out from among them. And they do this by making it so that “you can never be saved again.” Anyway, let me not mix these subjects in already. I will touch on these subjects in detail later.

I asked my question of the Witnesses who came to our house in those distressed days of mine. “Why do you wear a cross around your neck?” I said. I was expecting him to get angry, or rather to speak nonsense. Because we, raised as Muslims, had learned these customs of the Christians as idolatry. But he, quite calmly: “We do not wear a cross or anything around our neck,” he said. “Come on now,” I said, “in the movies, on the streets, that thing people put on—isn’t it a cross? Isn’t it the thing that symbolizes Jesus’ death?” And he objected, “No, we do not do such things.” “Either he doesn’t understand me, or he is lying right to my face,” I thought to myself. But he gave me an example by asking me a question. “Whom do you love most?” he said. And I had said, “I love my mother.” “Well, if someone had killed your mother with a knife, or with a pistol, would you now wear a model of that instrument around your neck?” he said, and I had said “no.” “Well then, those who wear it, in the churches and everywhere—what are they?” When I said this, he said, “We have nothing to do with them. They do not live according to God’s will,” and he opened and read one of the ten commandments God gave to Moses, where it was written:

You shall not make for yourself any graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them, nor serve them, for I the LORD your God am your God...Exodus 20:4-5, it was written. And I read these writings from the Turkish Bible they had ordered for me at a very cheap price—it must have been 16 marks at the time. This book that I call very cheap, I have given as a gift to almost everyone throughout my life. Some people from whom I asked for the money unfortunately never brought it and paid! From one—who was even a Jehovah’s Witness—even though I was so shameless as to ask, he still did not give it. Anyway, the question I asked in the conversation and the answer I received, and their showing it right there from the source, had pleased me very much and I was also very surprised. Because I had not expected it at all. Until then I had always believed there was no logic in religions. But this question and answer were very logical. Of course I had not immediately come to believe in them from one question and answer. I asked one more question. Again, as far as we knew, in every church there is a picture as if of Jesus, or a statue crucified on a cross. And whoever enters makes with his hands a cross-shaped sign over his chest. This gesture is called making the sign of the cross, or whatever it is. To us this too is idolatry, whereas among the Muslims there are no pictures or anything in the mosques. You have surely seen such churches and those people in movies and such. In line with this, the Christians also worship Jesus like God. “Like” is too much; actually they worship Him as God. They believe there are three Gods. They emphasize that these three are one. In fact, to explain this they take three matchsticks and ask, “How many matches do I have in my hand?” You say, “Three.” Then, uniting them all and lighting them, they ask again, “How many fires do you see?” You say, “One.” “Well, the three Gods are like this too,” they say! This too is a very good example for describing demagoguery (Demagoguery: trying to make a false thing appear as if it were true; a synonym is verbal trickery). God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit—these three, according to them and their understanding, are God, and for thousands of years this is still so. I think that on this matter, only the Witnesses, as Christians, believe in a single God. Later I must also state in this way the view of a pastor who wrote that there are others and who criticized me. My second question was: “Why do you worship Jesus?” And they said: “We do not worship Jesus; only God is worshiped, no one else is worshiped or served.” And they explained to me that there are not three Gods as the Christian churches teach. And moreover by showing it with verses. For example, on the night Jesus is betrayed and about to be killed, praying to God, he pleads thus:

“O Father, if it is not possible for this to pass without my drinking it, let Your will be done,” he prayed. (Matthew: 26:42) If Jesus were like the Almighty God, would God pray to God? And on top of that, would He say “Let Your will be done”? Of course there is no such absurd thing. Again, in another place, Jesus:

“Hear, O Israel; the Lord our God is one Lord...” (Mark 12:29), by saying this, openly repeating the words in the writings known as Moses’ ten commandments, draws attention to the fact that God is one, but that there is no such absurdity as three. The Jews too believe that God is a single God, and so do the Muslims. I was very much affected by these verses that the Witness spoke and read by showing them from the source. Had the book in my hand not been in Turkish, I would have said they were deceiving me, or he was making it up out of his head, or something. But against the proofs they brought, I could say nothing. In fact we too believed this way, but we had no knowledge based on proofs. The questions I asked were actually throwing stones at the Christians. And the logical and proven answers he gave were satisfying. While I was saying I would drive them off, if I am not mistaken we talked for 4 hours or so that day. In response to their saying “We will come again” as they left, I said, “Of course, do come.”

They left, but I thought that they might have talked with me like this because they were sharp, intelligent, and knowledgeable. They also knew the book in their hands well. Before anything else, I absolutely had to read this book. Only after that could I decide whether they were speaking truly, or falsely or lying. But the most important thing was that I had greatly enjoyed such a conversation, the things explained, the questions and answers. Otherwise, if it had not drawn my interest, I would not have gone into an investigation merely to test those people, to see whether they were speaking truly or falsely. First of all, the subject that had been raised was a serious subject and concerned all of humanity, and it was certainly worth investigating. Indeed, once I took the Bible in my hand, I thought to myself thus: “I have read so many books, some of them even trash. We live in this country; if someone were to ask me questions like: What did those people believe? What does Christianity mean?—I ought at least to be able to answer. For this reason alone, was this book not worth reading?” One of the most important reasons was that we had suffered greatly from the religious ones. And against them we could not speak at all. When they said, “Infidel, unclean, giaour, heretic, sin,” I did not know what to say. Again I thought to myself: “Let me read this book, and thus, in the event of an injustice, I can strike them only with their own weapons.” Well, I had quite a few reasons to read it. But about one single reason, I had never been able to think that this book would play a great role in changing my life. And most importantly, that it would make me happy.

In the Bible in my hand there were many old Turkish words, and I did not understand most of them. And I had a problem with those “and and ands” that occurred frequently at the beginning. There was no accustomed book style (manner of narration). But later I read as if those “ands” were not there. It was understood more easily. In any case, after the first two pages those “ands” suddenly decreased. I decided to read the Bible. These people paid me a few more visits, and the desire to read this book now became even more definite in me. Every time they came, I would ask questions. The man was of spiritual disposition, logical, and calm. His wife did not talk much. And when she did talk, I would notice that she did not understand me. The man grasped what I meant more quickly, and gave wise answers too.

Now that I think about it, the Bible had come into my hands and I was going to be able to read it. But the Quran—no one gave it to us and said, “Read it, and ask about the places you don’t understand.” I only remember the Quran being at home, hanging on the wall inside a cloth fabric in the shape of a large envelope. Even then we could not touch it, lest we be struck down! And so that it would not strike us if we touched it, some naphthalene, or sugar, or whatever, had been filled into the cloth cover. My mother was not a woman who would do such things. She was a true native of Istanbul, an islander, but she was not Greek. Leftovers from the Ottomans. Those covers to be hung on the wall for the Quran were surely sold ready-made, and they had bought it like that. In any case, that Quran which I took in my hand many years later was not even possible to read. It was only in Arabic. It was not even certain whether it was a Quran. Because I had seen many such Arabic books. They too were not Qurans. In our society, whatever Arabic thing we saw, we would come across words like, “Careful, don’t touch it, you’ll be struck,” or “sin.” My mother was not a religious person, nor was my father. I will never forget: one day my father woke me in the dead of morning and said, “Come on, son, get up, we’re going to the mosque.” Sleepily I said, “Why?” At that time too we had gone on leave from Germany to Turkey for the first time after 3.5 years. My father lived in Turkey. He never came to Germany to work or anything. Only many years later he came just to visit. Whispering, he had said, “It’s the holiday, son, get up.” In any case I had not seen my father for a long time. Saying no seemed very shameful to me. Just as I was getting up, I heard a voice from the direction of my mother’s bed, saying “Where to?” “We’re supposed to go to the mosque, Mom,” I said. My mother shouted at my father. When she said, “Lie down, son, let them go to the mosque in the dead of morning with the shit on their behinds,” I was rejoicing, “Oh, I got out of it,” but on the other hand I was also sad that my father got the thrashing. My mother and father were in any case two people with a very terrible cultural difference. Especially my mother would generally say what she thought openly and without any hesitation. While one came from the very bosom of Anatolia, the other was born in Istanbul, had received that upbringing and education, and came from a family of good manners. However much they had been forced to struggle with hardships, their educations and cultures were very different. Years later, while talking with my father about religion, I asked a question about this matter. “You actually don’t have much to do with religion or anything, so why did you want to take us to the mosque when we were children?” I said. It was only on the holiday, and even that happened only once in my life. My father said: “Son, everyone was going, that’s why.” That is, it was because it was a custom. And the great majority surely went for the same purpose. Perhaps, without exaggeration, one could say all of them. It was fear of society that gathered them there, not love of God. They do not know Him, that they should love Him. They do not know Him, that they should become acquainted. Indeed, they did not want to know or become acquainted at all—and that is a separate subject. Again one of the subjects I will surely touch on later.