Adam's Sin

December 23, 2003

About a year had gone by. I was beginning to reach the last part of the Holy Book. In my dealings with this married couple who came to visit us, I always had questions. Not only for my own sake, but I would also think, what if someone were to ask me such a question, and I was curious about the answer. Josef always answered these questions. His wife was with us, but Josef's faith about God was different from his wife's. In Josef you could feel the presence of a love for God, a longing, but I could not say the same things about his wife. Not every person is the same, after all. So while one loves little, another can love much. My own wife's relationship with God would not turn out to be like mine later on. Whether this is good or bad, I do not know. Everyone should love God as it comes from within, sincerely, with the whole heart. Not through pressure, force, fear, show, or for the sake of gaining some advantage. And for it to be this way, everyone must be free in this matter, and must also grant freedom. Because that person cannot be saved by my pressure. As they say, “There is no beauty by force,” so too God cannot be made beloved by force. One can only be encouraged, heartened, taught, inspired, but force must not be used for any of this. Force can be used by a person in his own name, to have his own wishes carried out, in the name of the law, for justice, for the interests of the workplace and so on, and it may even be of use. But no one can force anyone to love God. Because although perhaps everything can be obtained by force, love cannot be obtained. That is why no one should be pressured in this matter either. On the contrary, force may bring about the very opposite reactions.

Unfortunately, the things I see in religious people and in their children always sadden me. Muslim girls of eight or ten years old veiled up like bogeymen, the Witnesses taking their children to meetings and conventions and those children sitting for hours without making a peep… You say, “Well done, children,” but see those children years later, when they have grown up. Many of them have unsolvable problems, psychological breakdowns, abnormal behaviors. These religions, in the name of God, have brought upon people's heads not salvation but a host of psychological illnesses that bring thoughts of death, because of those callous pressures based on their own interests. By this I do not wish to stress that societies that are not religious are without problems in their thinking, their lives, and the education they give. However, I ask: in a person's relationship with God, with the knowledge he learns from Him and applies in his life, should not all these problems decrease? It was said that in France the Jehovah's Witnesses were not accepted as an official religion because they ranked among the highest in cases of suicide. That the Witnesses keep such disgraces of theirs very hidden, yet are a religion drunk on constantly praising themselves, I would learn later on. There would be yet another thing I would learn: that following behind any religion, institution, organization, or person would bring no salvation. God expresses this with very meaningful, concise words on this subject. Look how He speaks through Moses:

For this commandment which I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you, nor is it far away. It is not up in the heavens, so that you have to say: "Who will ascend into the heavens for us and get it and cause us to hear it, that we may carry it out?" Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to say: "Who will cross over to the other side of the sea for us and get it and cause us to hear it, that we may carry it out?" But the word (saying) is very near you, so that you may do it, it is in your mouth and in your heart. Deuteronomy, that is, the Repetition of the Law, 30:11-14

So then, to do God's will is neither there nor here; it is within us, in our mouth and in our heart. Neither in the tabernacle of worship of that time, nor in a religious institution, nor within an organization. In that case, who can force this thing that is within us? Only we ourselves again, and that only if we so wish. A person can certainly turn himself away from evil things by forcing himself, but can someone else do this? He thinks he does, that is all. But he cannot do it forever. Because what God wants from us is not show or a business card, but us, our very selves.

At last I had finished reading the Holy Book from beginning to end. I had to go to do military service. There was a short paid military service granted to those of us living abroad. I had also enrolled for it a year earlier. Reading the whole Holy Book had caused me to make willing changes in myself. While reading the Holy Book, I had gone nowhere, neither to a religious institution nor to a meeting, neither to a mosque nor to a church. Even if those Witnesses, that married couple, insisted that I come to their congregation, I always put them off by saying, “Let me first finish this book.” Yet Josef's wife, for some reason that I could not understand at the time, was not much in favor of my reading the Holy Book or anything. Saying, “Even if you read these things, you will not understand them,” she argued that she herself had not been able to understand either, and that she had only reached understanding through the congregations. Being thick-headed, I paid no attention at all! I love it when people set down rules! It rests on the logic that if it is so for oneself, it must be so for everyone. And I would later learn that these logic lessons were being taught to them by their organizations in the congregations they attended! To put it briefly and roughly, in their teachings those organizations instill in them the saying: “You cannot understand without us, you cannot have faith without us, and you cannot be saved without us.” That is why they say plainly: “No one but us can make an interpretation and say this book is understood in such-and-such a way.” And they give what they say not as advice, but as a command. If a person wishes to remain there, he is obligated to carry out this command unconditionally. They defend the logic in this teaching with all their might. I lived and saw that they are like this, being among them actively for about 15 years and 20 years in total, but never being one of them. You too will see this in the documents I have written under the title “Court Records,” which is the last topic in Part 2 of the book.

There is also an astonishing thing, that not even the prophets said the words these Witnesses I mentioned above say. Of course they did not say them, for God did not tell them to say such a thing, so how could they say it? Jesus, who is read about in the Gospel, who offered himself as a sacrifice, is the only person shown to be a savior for all humankind. And this too is a gift from God to humankind. Those who read these words for the first time surely understand nothing. Islam does not know, and does not want to know, what the death of Jesus mentioned in the Gospel and the grace of God mean. But does Christianity know it? Even among these Christians there are thousands of sects. Every head lets out its own voice. Just like Islam and the other religions. That is why I am now obliged to explain this subject as briefly as possible.

God sends Jesus Christ from the heavens to the earth. Yes, you read it correctly. When I say from the heavens, Jesus was the first angel living in the heavens and created by God. (Proverbs of Solomon 8:22-31 ; John 1:1-14 ; 8:57-58 ; Al-Imran, 3:55 and 59) That is, in his first creation he was a spirit creature. There are many verses proving this. I cannot give them all, but for now I will point out one or two by writing them out where they occur. Actually, the greatest proof is the Holy Book and the Quran in their entirety. And you need to read these yourselves. This is not a matter that can be settled by sitting where we are and listening to those who issue fatwas. If we start saying, no, this one says such-and-such, no, that one says such-and-such, we begin not to draw near to God but to move away from Him. Let us listen to everyone, but let us also do something ourselves. For instance, let us open and read those books that are called holy. Let us pray to God to give us understanding. Let us also listen to people, and let us investigate whether their words are in accord with what is written or not. And let the measure always be the words of God, not of man. (1 John 4:1)

We read that Jesus Christ was created earlier, from the very beginning, in these verses:

The LORD created me first when He began His work of creation, before the earth existed, in the very beginning, from time indefinite, I took my place. Proverbs of Solomon 8:22-23

The prophet Solomon wrote these words in the nature of a prophecy. The person mentioned above cannot possibly be Solomon himself. Because, as is known, Solomon was born on earth as the son of David. In the Gospel we read this time from Jesus' own words that God created him before the world existed. In John 8:58, when the Jews asked him: "You are not yet fifty years old, and have you seen Abraham too?" Jesus said: "Before Abraham came to be, I am." I need not give much information on this subject, because the Gospel and all the holy writings support this idea. The Quran does not write that Jesus came from the heavens, but it does speak of Jesus being someone like Adam. I noticed that many Muslims seek information on this subject. They would ask the meaning of the verse that reads: "With God, Jesus is like Adam." (Al-Imran, 3rd Sura, verse 59)

Adam, as we know, had no bodily father. He had a spiritual Father, and that was God. (See Luke 3:38) Jesus' situation is the same. And this had to be so. That is, God had to send someone sinless and perfect like Adam, so that a sacrifice could be given in exchange for Adam's guilt. Muslims do not understand this either. What does it mean for God to give a ransom, that is, a sacrifice that is the counterpart of something? Actually, it is very simple. God had said to Adam: "If you eat from this tree, you will die." They ate, and they had to die. Because God does not lie. (See Titus 1:2) If He were to say, "Come now, you have eaten, but I forgive you anyway, just do not do it again," then God would be a liar, and this too would not be just. Even if God forgave, there had to be a price for it. Indeed, all the holy writings give humankind a message in this direction. When we speak of God's justice, this too is illuminated. The part that seems contrary to us is asking why God cannot break His own commandments. That is, if what made Adam mortal was eating from the forbidden tree, and if this brought death, and if God did not want this, then why did Jesus and so on have to come and be a sacrifice for salvation? This is what they cannot understand: that God cannot break His own principles. Human beings make laws, but the one who makes the law is the first not to abide by those laws himself! This is expected of a human being, but not of God. Otherwise, who would have any trust left in Him? And could this whole universe, the sky and the stars, the galaxies, function, turn, and work by lying and deceit, by dishonesty, by bribery?

The first humankind had become mortal and had fallen from perfection. And the children who would be born of them would inherit this from one another. Naturally, the children of persons who are flawed or imperfect are also imperfect, that is, flawed. If being flawed brought death, then this death too would pass from their parents Adam and Eve to all of them. Like a contagious genetic disease. Is this our own thought? No, the Holy Writings, and especially the Gospel, explain these things exactly this way.

This sin that brought death to humankind had to have a counterpart. Otherwise humankind would always be mortal, and this was not something God wanted. God created man immortal. He put eternity within them. (See Ecclesiastes 3:11) That is why humankind can never accept death and never grow used to it. This feeling of eternity is a feeling God gave us. God could not lie, but among humankind it was ceasing to exist. That is why, if someone like Adam gave his life as a sacrifice in payment for Adam's sin, God could then remove the effect of this death that sin had brought. Because in the Gospel, in the book of Romans, the apostle Paul writes:

For the wages sin pays is death (Romans 6:23). So this is a justice, a rule, a law, a principle of God. At the same time God has yet another rule, which also appears in the book of Romans, chapter 6, verse 7:

For the one who has died has been acquitted from sin it reads. That is, the one who dies has paid the price of sin. Since all humankind dies, they pay the price of their sins. But then, where does being resurrected, our hope of resurrection, come from? Well, this too stems from God sending Jesus Christ to the earth to be the counterpart of, to be sacrificed for, the sin of the humankind descended from Adam. This is the reason for Jesus Christ's death as well. God sent him to the earth as a sacrifice for the sins of humankind. And Jesus knew this before he came. Because Jesus did this not under any force or pressure, but of his own free will and desire. Because he loved God and humankind. How do we know? Let us read again from the Proverbs of Solomon, this time verses 8:30-31:

I was beside Him as a master worker; And I was His delight day by day. I rejoiced before Him always, I rejoiced over His inhabited earth, and my delight was with the sons of men. Jesus spoke this way while in the heavens and had this heart attitude. And he looked with this eye upon humankind, which had by then fallen from perfection, become evil, and sinful. Whereas beside this, Satan, who was an angel in the beginning, looked upon humankind with hatred and rage. But Jesus' delight was with the sons of men. (On this subject, please read Job 1:6-11, 2:1-10 in the Holy Book, and in the Quran the verses of the 7th sura from 11 to 19, the verses of the 15th sura from 28 to 43, and the verses of the 38th sura from 71 to 85)

So then, the perspectives of the intelligent creatures in the heavens can also differ. This fact too proves that they possess a free will just as we do. Some see them as robots, as if they had no freedom of choice. Whereas these angels, who are as numerous as the armies of the heavens, possess a creation far superior to man in intelligence, ability, and experience.

Let us come now to the first man who caused this sin to pass on to mankind, and to its proof in the Gospel:

Therefore, just as sin entered into the world through one man, and death through sin, so death spread to all men because they had all sinned it is explained, in the Gospel, in Romans 5:12. After the death that came from Adam, it explains the event that led to salvation through Jesus Christ as follows:

So, as through one offense the result to men of all sorts was condemnation, so too through one act of righteousness the result to men of all sorts is their being declared righteous for life. For just as through the disobedience of the one man many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man many will be made righteous.

…verse 21: So that, just as sin ruled through death, so too undeserved kindness might rule through righteousness leading to everlasting life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 5:18, 19, 21. If you noticed, it reads "leading to everlasting life." These words above are God's justice in line with His will and purpose.

To some, the meaning of these writings above seems very absurd. Especially because of the faith based on the defective education and knowledge they have received for years, they see it as a terrible absurdity. So as not to be defeated by the enmity of the so-called Christians, in the mosques they have always issued fatwas: “They altered the Gospel, watch out, do not read it, and even if you read it, do not believe it!” If the Gospel is the word of God and it was altered, and God permits this, then this rule must also apply to God's other holy books. That is, to the Quran and the Torah. In that case they too have been altered. The most interesting part is that no such warning appears in the Quran at all, not in the slightest. On the contrary, the Quran always supports the Torah and the Gospel and encourages, indeed commands, reading them. There are a great many verses on this subject. In one of them it is written:

"If you are truthful people (if you are truthful of word), bring the Torah and read it" (Al-Imran) 3:93, end of the verse. (Compare with Sura 2:4 ; 5:59 ; 7:157 ; 10:37 ; 21:24 and 29:46. The numbers of the suras were written following the customary order of the Quran. Not according to the chronological order in the Yaşar Nuri translation.)

These verses in the Quran present the Torah, the Psalms, and the Gospel, that is, the Holy Book, as a proof, and point to them as evidence that they are the word of God. Far from saying they were altered, on the contrary, “open and read those books, so that you may understand that this book too could come from none other than God,” the Quran confirms them as proof. So then, those books are evidences, proofs that we should regard as trustworthy witnesses in a sense. Well then, in spite of all this, where does this constantly mentioned “it was altered” come from? Indeed, this thought must have a root. What is the meaning of the Council of Nicaea, a whole bunch of Gospels and so on? I do not know what the true aim of the people gathered at those councils was. Does anyone know? But this much is certain, that their aim was to recognize certain specific ones among the many translations that emerged and not recognize the others. In a short and concise explanation, this is how it is. Well then, is not the same battle present in Islam too? In my many arguments with those who pass as Muslims, when I read as proof from the Osman Nebioğlu translation of the Quran in my hand, I would show those who opposed me the Quran translated by Süleyman Ateş, who was the head of religious affairs at the time, and they would not believe that one either and would attack the person of the translator. They would even say, with curses: “The Quran translated by those people is not to be read.” Actually, for those people the real problem was not the translations; their real problem was the things written inside the Quran or the Holy Book. Do you know how many Qurans there are translated into Turkish alone? I do not know whether their number is less than or more than the Gospels at the Council of Nicaea, but it would be fitting to say there is not much difference. Some say, “This is exactly why we say, let us read it in Arabic.”

If there is one thing that is certain, it is that not every language is of the same richness. Especially our Turkish, beside the other languages, remains very new and childlike. A thing that is expressed with one word in one language may in another language force a person even to build a sentence to describe it. Especially, some things are not understood at all. For example, in Turkish the word “O” (he/she/it) applies to a man, to a woman, and to an object alike. But in other languages that we call rich, there are words that express all these differences. There are separate words or personal pronouns, whether for a woman, for a man, or for an object. That is, with that one word this is understood at once. But what difference does it make? Does that person not know, in his own mother tongue, that all these are meant by this word “O”? Does he not understand it from the sentence? If he does not understand it and yet insists on understanding, let him investigate, let him look at other translations. If he still does not find it, then let him investigate more deeply. Alongside various different translations, let him investigate what this means in that original language. Well, I ask you, how many times does a person fall into such a difficulty while reading the whole Quran? Especially if he is reading it for the first or second time? But because of this, that person cannot be expected to learn another language. To know God, his Creator, to know what is right, however poor his own language may be, this will be sufficient. Besides, it is a thousand times better than not reading at all. I will touch on the details of this subject again later, in connection with the prophecy about Muhammad.

In Arabia they drive American cars, they ride in Japanese jeeps, there is German and French technology. Their armies are equipped with tanks and rifles invented by Americans and Russians. All these things are explained, repaired, translated, and used by an Arab mechanic, engineer, teacher, soldier. Nuclear power plants are even built, and Arab engineers run them. You know what happens with the tiniest mistake in such nuclear power plants! All these complicated things, which very few people in the world can understand, the Arabs too translate into their own language, understand, and even build. But why is it impossible to translate those words that appear in the Quran with the words we use every day in current events?! Why should words like “Do not steal, do not lie, do not do evil, if you are truthful bring the Torah, the Gospel, and read them” be entirely untranslatable?! Even if you speak with university graduates who have no relationship whatsoever with God, near or far, and speak to them about the Gospel, the Torah, they oppose you with this absurd logic, that is, that the Quran must absolutely be read in Arabic! If a university graduate says this, then imagine the so-called ignorant portion of them.

If this language is a problem, then it must apply to everything. In that case let us learn nothing. Neither in schools nor in workplaces. Because whatever has been invented and brought forth in the whole world, the ones who discovered those things did not all speak the same language. If God's word can only be read and understood in whatever language it was written at the time, and it is said that it cannot be read or understood in another language, that there would be errors, then apart from things invented by Turks, we should learn all knowledge in those languages! Otherwise, would there not be great errors? Especially do not let any Turkish engineer even come near those nuclear power plants. Television, radio, satellite dishes, mobile phones, cars, medicine and medical science, hospitals, blood pressure and blood sugar measuring devices… and so on, neither buy these nor benefit from these nor believe their Turkish versions! Because they would be erroneous! What does one call such logic? I politely call it absurdity. If we hold such a logic, then it means we are the ones committing this absurdity. But do not forget, this logic destroyed Empires! It was the holders of this logic who had Çelebi's head cut off for saying he had made wings and would fly. And even though it was entirely his own invention, without translation, without error, the people with this mindset opposed his flying, and the people who now sell us as servants to foreign countries also came out of these mindsets. That is, there were no infidels in the Çelebi affair! This time they dragged Satan into it! True, Satan surely played a large role, it is certain that he played a large role in cooperation with those religious people who had the heads of men like Çelebi cut off! And he still plays it.

In short, everyone should, if possible, read and understand God's word in his own language. And for this reason every effort must be used. Beside this, the churches of the Christian world made certain alterations in the Holy Book in line with their own teachings. They wrote and translated some places in the Holy Book not as they were written there, but in a way that would support their own interpretations. But since these situations did not remain hidden and were heard by everyone, in the end those religions, sects, and organizations that did this were disgraced to the point that they had to gather and destroy those books. That is, like counterfeit money, everyone knew, everyone heard, it did not remain hidden. God permitted such things. Why? Actually because God was not saying that this knowledge could be found all that easily by those who seek Him. In the Proverbs of Solomon 2:4-5 it reads:

If you keep seeking for it as for silver, And you keep searching for it as for hidden treasures, You will understand the fear of the LORD, And you will find the very knowledge of God it reads.

This verse stresses that we must seek God as one searches for silver, hidden treasures, a hoard. Does God not know that seeking gold, silver, treasure is not easy? But if we seek God in this way, we can also be sure we will find Him. And this is not impossible. Satan and the people who follow him want to make it impossible, that is all.

Muslims also suppose that all Christians know the Gospel and read it. As if reading the Gospel! For centuries they burned alive those who dared to read those books. The European religionists of that time likewise spared no evil within their power against anyone who translated the Holy Book! Only over these last two centuries can we say that the Holy Writings were translated and distributed in many languages to nearly every corner of the world. And these things were done by paying very great prices. But still, the one who reads has always been opposed, exactly as in Islam. Even now, after those historical truths that humankind has experienced, the Muslim fanatics keep tearing themselves apart, “The Quran cannooot be translated! Read it in Arabiiic!” The aim is, watch out, do not let them learn. For if they once learn, how will that ignorant spittle-preacher of theirs go on foisting himself off on that society?! For him this means his bread, his interest, his prestige are gone. What saddens me more than their tearing themselves apart is those who look at their doings and move away from God. Or I am astonished at those who, influenced by the ignorant pressures of those spittle-slingers, take into their hands that book they say they “believe in” and yet somehow do not read it in their own language, seeing this as though it were an impossible thing. And should someone happen, sincerely, to set out to seek God, they immediately send him off to an Arabic course! Indeed, even if there is the tiniest spark within that person, they strive to extinguish it too, and generally they do extinguish it. As if that person were going to Arabia to do trade! Or as if God had things like “do not steal, do not lie, do not kill, treat one another well” and so on written in his own language in such a way that they could not be translated, so that he must learn a language! As if God only knows Arabic and does not know any other language! Or as if He were only the God of the Arabs?

Years ago a piece of news appeared in the newspaper. A friend of mine who came from Turkey told me about it. Two Arabs come to Turkey. The two are friends. On Friday they say to each other, “Come, let us go to the mosque.” And, if I am not mistaken, this situation takes place in Istanbul-Sultanahmet. Anyway, the two of them go to the Friday prayer for their religious worship. The preacher in the mosque is reciting the Quran in Arabic. The weather is summery, the mosque is full, there is hardly even room outside. Our Arabs are in the outside portion of the mosque. As the Quran is being recited in Arabic, our Turks are swaying with sighs and groans, some are even weeping. As the preacher recites, they have been swept up in ecstasy! Some are drowning in tears of grief! The Arabs keep looking and giggling. In the end, probably unable to hold it in any longer, they burst out laughing. Our Turks fell upon the men, “Oh, so you're the ones laughing!” The men barely escaped with their lives and were taken to the police station. The chief inspector listened to the situation and, through an interpreter, asked them: “What is this rudeness you have done? Is one to mock in a mosque? Why did you laugh?” The men, roughed up, shredded, in a bloody state, say: “No, sir, we did not go to the mosque to mock or anything, we had gone for our religious worship,” and continuing, “the preacher was reciting verses from the Quran, and some of the people beside us grew grieved and even began to weep. We were astonished why they were weeping. What the preacher was reciting was nothing to weep over. Because the preacher was reciting how the spoils taken as plunder in war would be divided. That is why we were seized with laughter, wondering why these people were weeping.” The inspector surely understood the case and said: “Even so, one does not laugh in our mosques.” What could the man say, if he spits upward it is his mustache, if he spits downward it is his beard.

So our fellow went to the mosque. He also carried out his duty. Oooh! Surely your fellow's feet have lifted right off the ground, he is flying now! Just wait and see him later on. In his own eyes, no one anymore is righteous and worthy of paradise! Even among those in the mosque only some are righteous, not all. The rest of the world is utterly perverse, God is going to rain stones down on their heads! Especially if he wept too, oh dear, dear, dear! By doing this, these people think they have even put God in their debt! Do they mean to say, “Look how great the things are that we do before You”?! He never asks himself why he is weeping so, sobbing away. There is something within him, but what is it? Neither does he himself know it, nor does he want to know. But he weeps, and he is nodding his head too! He also went to the mosque, duty accomplished. Just do not do this business in Turkish. And their fear is not that the meaning of the Quran will be spoiled; their fear is that the things they have created in their imaginations according to their own fancies will be spoiled, that is what they are afraid of!

Man alive, what is the meaning of your reciting away in Arabic to the congregation about the spoils of war on a Friday?! Build up those people, inspire them toward the things that are good. He himself is in ruins, how is he to build up the congregation? Is not Jesus' saying about such people entirely fitting: "Let them be. They are blind guides of blind men. And if a blind man guides a blind man, both will fall into a pit" (Matthew 15:14)?

The more ignorant people are, the smaller the values in their brains, and if they give room only to those, the narrower and tinier the frame in which they remain within the world they build for themselves. With this their range of vision also narrows. Everything is only as large, or as small, as the things they have placed in their minds. And as long as stepping outside of that seems to them very troublesome, boring, and meaningless, they will be forced to live in that world they have built within their cramped minds. Looked at from another angle, because of the insecurity they feel, in order to fill that void, that insecurity, they look for a wall to lean their backs against, so that they may feel themselves secure. That is why people choose to enter religions, to become members of a party, great wealth, people with labels, to make friends and acquaintances, kinship unions, and so on… The aim is always to be secure. In the expectation, “What if I have need of it someday.” Of course, if possible again, giving nothing and always taking! And these relationships too are not out of love with the whole heart. They are always done artificially, full of self-interest, out of fear and with hypocrisy. Throughout my whole 15 years of school life, and later in the military and in dealings with people, the thing I saw and that struck me was that a person shows respect by force. In schools it was expected of us to show respect by force. If we were wearing a jacket, when we saw a teacher, they expected by force that we button up, stand, and give a salute. None of them expected love. Actually, was not the most important thing love? However much pressure they apply by force, the things that would be obtained through love cannot be obtained. Our Creator God says that it is so, and He gives it great importance. In fact, God does not even look at a sacrifice, that is, a gift, brought by force, unwillingly (please read Genesis 4:3-7). Well, do we humans not know this? Those things they taught us as respect, do them to someone in Europe and America, and he'll bare his backside and laugh at you. They are both taught by force and things that will hold nowhere and be understood nowhere except among themselves. I am not in favor of selling off the values one possesses by looking to America and Europe. However, if they are not values but are absurdities anyway, I say we should now rid ourselves of harmful things that do not serve humankind.

Alongside all this, one must also confess the following truth. People find it hard, and are afraid, to step outside their habits. And if one does step outside of it and rebels, he does not do so for the sake of a good thing. They show their courage on the evil path, not in the direction of goodness and righteousness. And those who do what is right, what is true, what is beneficial, are also a very small minority. For example, a Witness, after rebelling against the meaningless pressures of the organization and leaving there, comes out of there and enrolls in a party that supports the Nazis!!! The example they call “what fasting, what pickled cabbage” fits this exactly. Even though such things happen among a very small minority, by this I want to explain that people do not behave in harmony with the things they rebel against. Moreover, people are terrified to make decisions even in their own name. To escape from responsibility, whichever institution or organization they feel sympathy for according to their pleasure and their interest, they endure every kind of slavery by belonging themselves to it.

We were in the second grade of primary school, at the most the third, and a story was told. It was also written in our textbooks. About a wager that took place between the wind and the sun. The wind argues that it is superior to and stronger than the sun. They make a bet over who is stronger. And they will test this on a human being. Because the wind says: “I can take the clothes off that man's back,” and first the wind begins and gradually increases its storm upon that person. As the wind grows, the man clings all the more to his clothes, to his collar. He looks for a hollow to hide in. However much the wind struggled, it could not take the clothes off the man in any way. The opposite happens. The man hides in a hollow, a cave; he clings just as much more to his clothes, to his collar. It comes to the sun's turn, and the sun begins to give its warmth, its rays, upon the man. First the man begins slowly to take off his overcoat, then his jacket, and even down to his shoes.

I do not know what everyone makes of this, but I, with my child's mind at that time, had concluded that far more things can be obtained through goodness and love. Even if the wind had taken the clothes off that man by force, tearing them, the man would not have been happy, he would have struggled all the more. But with what the sun did, the person undressed willingly. In any case, I think the book's aim too was to portray the sun as full of love and the wind as forceful violence. Whereas in truth both were a violent power. Both were showing their strength in line with their aims. While one power is resisted, before the other power it is as if the person willingly carries out its desire. But in neither case is a real freedom left to the person. Whether wind or sun, under the compulsion of both, the person did not do this feeling any comfort. Outwardly there is merely a deception, as if that person were doing it willingly against the sun's compulsion. Whereas the one who undresses undresses because he is stifled by the heat, and the one who covers up covers up in order to protect himself from the wind. Most of the time we must dwell not on what is done, but on why it is done.

All those advertisements, films are prepared on the basis of this principle. The aim is to make people want to do that thing, because they cannot force it anyway. Do not politicians gather votes this way too? Actually politics works in a very unjust way. They set certain men before people and say choose them. Whereas they are each worse than the next. Even if you choose no one at all, one of them absolutely comes to power. Even if you do not vote, even if 50 percent of the people do not use their votes, whoever the total majority is with is elected. And by this it means that those who did not like that person, or who did not choose that person, have no other chance either. Never mind, the politicians do not want love from us, they want votes so that they may come to power! Love them or do not love them! As if he cares much about this! Is it even possible anyway? Who has ever been loved by everyone, that politicians should be loved!

Think whatever you think, weigh it from whichever side you weigh it, humankind cannot bring an absolute solution, and has not been able to. History and our own time are the proof that this is so. That is why, when a person enters into certain events, he cannot say “surely this one is guilty or that one is guilty.” Many situations turn out just as Nasreddin Hodja said in a case, “you are right, you are right, and you too are right.” For us humans it is a difficult situation. That is why God, through the Holy Books, tells us “not to be hasty in judging.” (Gospel-Romans 14:13) But what I want to say here is that although this situation is valid for everyone, it is not valid for God. He is flawless in His judgment and in what He does. If He gave a commandment regarding humankind, this commandment can be applied to every person and is beneficial for every person. Whatever society, whatever culture it may be. Whatever geographical structure one may have. Whether young or old, whether woman or man, these judgments, which are valid for everyone, are never like man's.

While explaining one subject, another subject opens up. I hope you will not have difficulty joining together these subjects that are mentioned in a disjointed way. Because if I do not explain the words and expressions I use, you will never be able to understand what I mean. These words and expressions that are not used in everyday life, once a person begins to gain knowledge about God, he is forced to learn. I know, it is almost like another language. In time I would also learn how these are expressed in German, but willingly. As I said, I am not a writer or anything. See this book too as though it were a memoir kept as a diary by a person. However that person felt, in line with his abilities, however he wrote as it came from within him, perceive it that way. Do not look for its literary value. But rather, look to the truths it contains, the secrets, the answers to the questions, and to hearing the voice of the conscience within you. Investigate whether the things told are really so or not. Open and read, and learn from, those books you say you “believe in”; and whatever you decide, live accordingly.

The military service I went to was two months. Actually, exactly 56 days. Especially the first days passed as if each one were a whole year. Whereas I can say they treated us very well in the military. The paid soldiers were treated well. But the situation of the 18-month conscripts was very different from ours. And the greatest discord stemmed from those paid soldiers who came along with us. Because I had studied at a boarding school, I knew what it meant to live in communal places. I could never grow used to living in such communal places. Military service, boarding school, hospital, children's homes; who knows what prisons are like? Surely worse than all of them must be prison and the children's home. At least the home where they placed me as a child was like that. I was about three years old. I stayed in those homes for about 2-3 years. I was beaten nearly every day. At night I wet myself. To get up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet the lights would come on, and I would surely be beaten. And also during everyday events. Whether because I did not eat, or because I laughed, or sat, or wept, or walked, or stood still, I was always beaten. Not knowing the reason, and also being beaten for things beyond one's control, there is probably nothing so bad. Those hurt the most of all. The beatings I got for the offenses I committed never hurt. Even if they hurt, they did not reach my heart. But because of the beatings I got through no fault of my own, I did not know what to do. There was no right or wrong for which they were hitting me. In the middle of the night they would raise us for the toilet. The dormitory is a big room. Rows upon rows of barred children's beds, arranged so that each one's feet come to the head of the one in front. Our eldest was six years old. There are four or five beds lined up like this by the window. Then a gap in between for walking. Right after that, two rows of beds side by side without a gap. Again in the same arrangement. As far as I recall there were five or six rows. We were about 25-30 children boarding at the Istanbul-Kasımpaşa child protection institution. Perhaps there were also those who came in the daytime, but very few. Even though I remember it as if faintly, bad events never, ever leave a person's mind. Because I wet myself I would wake, half-asleep, to slap after slap. Wherever it landed I would be struck. I am soaked in urine up to the waist. The underclothes are taken off. It is a pair of underpants and a vest anyway, and half the vest is wet with urine. After all the children's toilet business was finished, I, and sometimes perhaps one more child, would not be sent to our beds while naked on the stone. We would crouch on the stone, our bottoms naked, pull our half-wet, urine-soaked vest down over our knees, put our heads on our knees, and sleep. I loved this situation very much. However hard the conditions were, at least I was not getting beaten. I was content with any punishment. As for how much time or how many hours passed, how would I know with my mind back then. Well, the one lying in that bed leaned against the wall across from all the beds, her head covered, the demon over us, if she took pity, would say with hatred, “come on, go to your bed.” The urine in the bed has become ice-cold and wet. And the most comfortable place to lie, the middle, is full of urine. In that tiny bed I would now look for a dry spot without making a sound, but I could never find one. However far to the edge I fled, one half of my body would still remain in that cold, wet urine. My earliest childhood passed like this in several various homes. The year was 1964, each one was worse than the next. The homes I saw even in American films about those years were horrific. Of course, this always applies to those who have no one. Otherwise there surely also existed homes where children's every wish was granted. Those were the homes for children who had someone.

My mother had gone to Germany to work. And my father, for some reason unable to care for me, they put me in a home. Among three siblings I am the youngest. In Germany they always take on women for work first! For some reason it is still so! Probably for these employers and for the workers working there too, sexual pleasure came first. Even if she could do nothing, for them even a feast for the eyes is enough. And I do not know whether it is because women are not as clever or as rebellious as men in seeking their rights, in rebelling, that this situation is so. Most importantly, a woman means cheap labor compared to a man. Are you a woman? They give you work at once. If you are a man, you are done for. Whatever the heaviest and dirtiest work is for a man, only that. I am not saying this holds for everyone, but I saw it this way in every case. Are there not also foreign men with very good jobs? For some reason I never came across any! Germany, to employ her in its country, takes first the woman with three children; why should it think of her husband, her children? What does it care about the rest! As for my mother, because they found infection in her urine, she had them pull out her teeth right down to the roots. Her sound teeth! Whatever she did or had done, a foreign substance still showed up in her urine. In the end she gave the urine of a cleaner there and saved the job, and they gave a report that she is sound and can go to Germany. In order to come to Germany at that time, one went into debt up to the throat. Every day they go and wait for hours in queues. And to Germany at those times one went by the black train. I knew none of these things, nor did I understand them. As I said, my age was three. Only the bad events made a place in my mind, that is all. Later, when I saw my mother, I called her “auntie.” I did not even know she was my mother. Every Sunday was visitors' day. My father would come once a month. Sometimes every two weeks, sometimes every week, and sometimes not at all. One could be together for two or three hours. Money was always collected from the visitors who came. Whether by how much each could give, I do not know, but they would send a child around for the money to be tossed into something like a hat. Sometimes I would think, was my father not coming for this reason, or because he thought of no one but himself? If it were me, I say, “I would not have left my child in such places.” But when I think of that time, I say, “I do not know.” As if I simply had to live that painful life. With that money too they supposedly buy the children something. If a five-kuruş cookie falls to me, the one lira that was tossed remains with the home. The old rule; they take ten, twenty, a hundred, and give one!

You are a tiny child. You have no protection at all. You are in a place that does not have even the “L” of love. Only, I can never forget, there was a Miss Oya. She was a wealthy lady. Whether she had no children at all, or could not have any, I do not know exactly. But for all the children that woman was the greatest joy and a very great deliverance. We called her Miss Oya, but she was not really such a young person either. Who knows what has become of her now. She was our savior. Sometimes she would gather us all, turn off the lights. Miss Oya had a toy train, it would go along with red lights burning in front and on its sides. It was one of those old black trains, and in front of the train there was a piece of metal like gold, sharpened into the shape of the tip of an arrow. None of us could touch that train, it was forbidden. In any case I never felt any desire to touch that train. Watching, and not getting beaten, was enough for me. Those who beat us were afraid of Miss Oya. In her presence they could not strike us even a flick. This meant everything to me. What would I do touching the train. But afterward, if that dormitory demon of a corrupt soul had for any reason been watching us from afar, later she would beat us soundly, shove and push us around, saying, “Why did you get spoiled with Miss Oya?” That is, the end of Miss Oya's visit to us would again turn to poison. But generally this beating episode did not always happen. Probably they were afraid the children would tell. So it was that the military reminded me, while writing this book, of those days too. Not because they treated me badly in the military, but because I lived a very bad childhood in those homes. Those places were not as their name suggests. It was supposedly a child protection institution; they were institutions of not protecting children. They were homes of torture.

If I said the military service passed easily, it would be a lie. In my opinion, days do not pass easily in any place where there is no freedom. But although it was not a matter of life and death, there were also times in those two months when I pleaded much with God. And God had delivered me from those bad situations, I believe this. Having read the Holy Book had made very great changes in me. Within me there was a desire to change myself, to live according to the words of God. The friends I made there, every weekend when we went out on leave, would look for a brothel or a woman of the streets. I did not want to do such things. And this is what surprised me. Because in the old days I would have gone ahead of them all. I believed that a woman none of them could find because they were soldiers, I would have found if I wanted. But a love for God, a longing, had developed within me. As I said, I never went to prayer at the mosque, to worship at the church, or anything; but I paid more attention to doing the things that are right. Because after reading the Holy Book, the education I got from it was not bowing down again and again before God, or making the sign of the cross at church. These things did not please God. In God's eyes righteous deeds, honesty, loving and forgiving people were far more valuable. Actually, true worship was these things. With my knowledge at that time I did not find going to the mosque or church to be wrong, but I did not go either. There was no warmth in the atmosphere of those places. In those communities it was as though the God I had read of and learned about was not there at all. If I wanted to serve God, to speak with Him, I thought and believed that I could do this always and everywhere. But I did not have knowledge such that I could rely on myself. I also felt that the things I knew would not please everyone. Especially in a Muslim society, I knew that entering into arguments on this subject, or when I said “I have read the Torah, the Gospel,” those people would not look upon this very favorably. That is why I stayed silent. But to my very close friends I had stressed that I wanted to serve God. Because they were in a constant sickness of seeking a woman, which even seemed normal to me on their behalf. If I were in their place, I would perhaps have done the same. But I thought they were like this because they did not know the things I knew. Within me there was a belief, “If they had known, they surely would not have done it either.” This would be a belief that would greatly disappoint me later on. Knowing the truth did not always change people in a good direction.

There were places in the Holy Book that remained in my mind, that I could not forget. While reading these I was gaining experiences. The Holy Book made me think about myself, about people, about the reasons behind events. Most of all it introduced me to God and His qualities. As I said, while reading something I always tried to put myself in the place of those people. This is both enjoyable and works into a person's soul, and moreover the things read gain meaning. Most of all, a person begins to know himself. One time, while reading the Holy Book for the first time, I came to the subject of David's son Solomon becoming king. Solomon offers many sacrifices to God. And God, appearing to him in his dream, says: "What shall I give you, ask." (1 Kings 3:5) I was about 22 years old at that time; I think Solomon was a little younger than I when he became king. I do not know exactly, but it must be about 21. While reading these lines I stopped reading and paused like this. I asked myself: "If it had been me, and God had given me such a choice, what would I want?" I said, and I began to think within myself, "well, I would probably want to be very rich, along with a whole lot of beautiful women." When I say probably, I mean at least for now. Does a person's wanting ever end! These things were passing through my brain only for a very short moment. I did not yet know what was written in the book, what Solomon would ask, and so on. Every now and then, pausing at such places important to me, with such questions, while wanting to know what I myself would do, I was also very curious to see what that person standing before God would do. Again I continued reading. And Solomon said to God:

…And now, O LORD my God, You have made Your servant king in place of my father David; but I am only a little child; I do not know how to go out and come in. And Your servant is in the midst of Your people whom You have chosen, a great people that cannot be counted or numbered for multitude. Give, then, to Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people, that I may discern between good and bad; for who is able to judge this great people of Yours? 1 Kings 3:7-9

While reading these lines I could not hold myself and said, "Ptooey." As if burning within me, I was saying, "Well, look at what this one asks for!" Whereas the young fellow asks for neither women nor wealth nor fame and glory, but says "give an understanding heart, that I may discern between good and bad." Within me I said, "What a mad man this Solomon is too." Indeed, just when the opportunity has come right before him, when he could so nicely take whatever he wanted for free, look at the things he asks for! Does such a lottery come up for a person every day? How many times does God come and say: "Ask whatever you want and I will give it"? After saying, "You have ruined a sackful of figs, Solomon," I again continued reading the book. And God answers Solomon as follows:

Solomon's request pleased the LORD. God said to him: "Since you have asked for this and have not asked for yourself long life, riches, or the death of your enemies, but in their place you have asked for wisdom (discernment) for a righteous administration, I will do what you ask. I will give you a heart so full of wisdom and insight that no one has been like you before you, nor will anyone like you arise after you. I will give you also the things you did not ask for. As long as you live, you will attain a wealth and honor that other kings will not reach. And if you, like your father David, keep my rules and my commandments and walk in my ways, I will also give you long life."1 Kings 3:10-14

When I read these lines I was very ashamed and also very moved. I began to weep. I could not hold myself from weeping. Because I was alone at home, I could freely give vent to such feelings of mine. While I wept both because I was ashamed of my own thoughts, most of all it was God's words that had moved me. How generous God was. At the same time, how much He was one who delighted in righteousness. Merciful and understanding too. This time within me I was saying to Solomon's wise, responsible request, at that young age, “Bravo indeed.”

Then I thought a great deal about why I would ask for such foolish things and did not think like Solomon, did not look at events from that angle. Actually Solomon knew God far better than I did. His father David was both king and prophet. Through him and through the education he received in line with his desires, Solomon had become a person of wisdom. Solomon did not give so much importance to the desires of his body, to fleshly things and so on. Those were things that would come about by their nature anyway. Despite this, these feelings and this understanding do not remain permanently in a person automatically. We have to struggle. As for Solomon, later in his old age he acted lax in this matter, and because he did not lend an ear to God's counsels and made marriages with foreign women who did not know God, those women dragged Solomon into sin.

As for me, just as I did not know God, the God I pictured in my mind was, as I said, like the giant in Aladdin's lamp. Whatever you wished for at that moment, you wished it. And even if you wished for a wrong thing, this is your fault, then you are done for. That is why I thought, more accurately believed, that we humans must be very careful about what we will ask for. Whereas the real God was very different. Just as He knew us very well, He was one who strove to correct our mistakes. He was a God who did not rejoice in our foolishness but, on the contrary, helped us in order to deliver us from that situation. A God who, whatever we may have done, when we turn to Him in repentance with our whole heart, does not shove us away with the back of His hand. He even says to the prophet Ezekiel: "The one who turns away from his sins, his past sins I will not remember." (Ezekiel 18:21-22) He does not even bring them to mind. As for us humans, how different we are. Even if we seem to have forgiven someone, at the first opportunity we throw his past mistakes in his face. We humiliate that person, drive him into the ground. Whereas God, though He sees, hears, and knows everything stark naked before Him, when we turn to Him repenting with our whole heart of the baseness, the dishonor, the shamelessness we have done before Him, and whatever worse there could be, He says "I will not remember your sins." Which of us, or who, which father can love this much? I am not comparing God with humans, but I write so that we may understand God. What we are like toward Him, and how He behaves toward us. As for me, while reading the Holy Book I would fall into such situations often. By this means I would also begin to know myself. These books that I call the words of God would answer for me the questions of "why and for what reason." This book wrote of things over which I wept much, read very moved, and even at times filled with rage, while at other times I could not hold myself from laughing. As I find the opportunity, with God's help I will try to tell you these memories of mine. Why I grew angry, why I laughed, why I wept; and even sometimes, perhaps, why I did not understand.